Integration = All of The Things

Looking for Answers

Long ago I found myself often saying, “it’s not one thing, it is all of the things.” The first few times I said it I was helping clients process a negative event, or emotion, why they felt a certain way, or why a particular conflict or challenge arose.

As humans we often look for an answer. We seek out one thing to which we can attribute cause, one thing to explain overwhelming emotions, an action taken, a situation we are in. I observed that often we are inclined to blame one thing, to give an easy label or name to something, to have someone or something to blame - something concrete, finite, and comprehensible. This is human, as this life can be both joyous and so very difficult to understand in times of hardship.

All The Things

It can take some time to learn and internalize that in this life, “it,” whatever it may be, is almost never attributable to one thing, but rather, it is “all of the things.”

For instance, if we lack motivation one day, it is not because we are simply lazy or unmotivated, it is likely attributable to a variety of causes such as poorly sleeping the night prior, stressful interpersonal interactions, lack of interest in the activity, or not eating foods that provide an adequate energy source for the physical or mental lifting we may have to do that day.

Similarly, when engaged in a negative social interaction or conflict, it is always an interaction, and the interaction is often a reflection of the dynamic rather than the attributes of one person.

The same is true for positive emotions, interactions, and experiences as well. For it is never one thing that makes it work, it is all of the things.

Okay, so we established, there is rarely, or never, simply one cause, for anything.

What follows is that there is rarely, or never, one solution!

This is why integration, of “all of the things,” is so important. It is why it is so crucial to think of different aspects of ourselves, not as fractured off from one another, but rather as integrated into a whole. For healthy individuals, relationships, and systems to grow and thrive, it is essential that we see how we integrate with others, within systems, and ourselves, and how all of that contributes to our negative and positive interactions.

Letting Go of Preconceived Notions

The process of internalizing this way of thinking can be frightening, because it takes away that one concrete source to which we can attribute how we feel, the status of a relationship, professional status, or anything to which our minds would like to establish a fast and easy attribution to simplify how we conceptualize the world, and ourselves, in it.

This may feel uncomfortable because it reminds us of how many things, people, systems, and circumstances impact our feelings, relationships, and behavior. Realizing how many factors interrelate to one another to put us exactly where we are right now can be scary, it can feel like a loss of control.

What We Will Discover

Over time, integration brings the best of everything, a sense of peace, pulling from all possible sources of support, and sharing your personal best along with that of others, to be as strong, healthy, focused, and balanced as we can be. A few years ago I learned, I was taught, by my father, that life can be sustained via integration, a little bit of magic, compassion, and love for the most simple pleasures this earth has to offer.

What does integration mean to me now? It means that for every experience we have, every person or creature or system or part of nature we meet, we ask, ‘how can I make this a part of me, or who I am?’ ‘How might I become a part of it?’ ‘How does my experience of this integrate with my experience of that other part of myself? Or that other person I love? What might all those connections mean? How might they serve me in bettering myself, reaching my goals, supporting my family or the people I love, altruism, philanthropy or experiencing joy?’

Because we are all in this life together, and joy is a fundamental emotion that must be integrated into life to sustain it. It is through connections, integration, and the powerful spark of human connection that I find joy and hope to join in cultivating it in others. All together, we can! Not with one thing, but all of the things.